Foot Allergies

Published 29.11.04 by Porkchop | E-mail this post

My feet are allergic to ugly shoes. My feet cannot be shod with anything attached to something lower than a three inch heel. I do not enjoy having my feet clad in skinny elastic straps, tacky rhinestones or such accessories that look like THEY CAME FROM PAYLESS.

Also, DO NOT MAKE ME PAY FOR UGLY SHOES I WILL NEVER WEAR AGAIN AND CANNOT RETURN.

Please feel for me. Feel the depths of heartache I will have to suffer in wearing shoes that look like they have waltzed off the pages of a Wal-Mart sale flyer. Not only is it beneath me, it is beyond my scope of understanding.

It. Is. Impossible.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

Foot Allergies

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