fall fills me with longing


i have yet another birthday approaching in a few weeks. just thinking about getting a year older depresses and tires me. it doesn't help that fall has already filled me with yearning to be anywhere--but here. i tire of being alone. i tire of having no life plan. i tire of being me.

sometimes life just makes you ache. and the only thing worse than longing is longing alone.

i feel restless, cranky and a wee bit sad. i have no idea why. i wish i did.

why we hate the terps


conversation with le brother:

porkchop: "i hate the terps. i mean, for the love of pete, they are turtles. football is big! fast! violent! and they are turtles."

fredd: "couldn't they think of something better?"

porkchop: "it could be the logical explanation for why they never win. we thought football was about being slow? and peaceful?"

fredd: "venus flytraps could do more damage."

porkchop: "go get 'em. ya big fierce turtles!"

fredd: "their mascot is just this big fat guy. at halftime, they bring him out on a cart and he eats some leaves or something then they scream GO TERPS!! EAT.. THOSE.. LEAVES!!"

porkchop: "SNAP YOUR LITTLE TURTLE TRAPS!! look fierce, boys!!!"

fredd: *snort* "exactly."

porkchop: *scoffs* "exactly."




for all the hard work you that seems unappreciated.
for all the support and kindess you showed to annie in her time of sorrow.
for all the neck rubs.
for all the support and encourageing words you give to me and other just when we need it!
for all the cakes you bake with love.
for all you do for the soldiers.
for just being porkchop... the way God intended.

you are a true blessing to all.


a few people

a note recently given to me by some of the staff.

i miss my little brother something fierce. this is evidenced by the fact i managed to let myself be wrangled into cooking dinner for a bunch of the guys i work with that live together. (purely in a frat-house kind of way, not gay orgy.) i cooked them dinner and in return they told funny guy stories which left me doubled over with laughter. i hadn't laughed that hard since my little brother left.

it reminded me of how much i desperately miss him. with him, i am able to indulge my secret love of guy-humor. watching super-troopers, dumb&dumber, etc. i am really quite ashamed that i find it all funny, but i do. paticularly when i am with him. i can't wait until he comes home. we'll play football. we'll watch stupid movies. we'll make fun of people. he'll tell me i'm gorgeous and that i am the coolest sister ever.

i'll pretend i believe him. but really i know i'm the one getting the best end of this deal.

dickhead, continued


richard: "if i gave you $100 would you show me your boobs?"

me: "absolutely not"

richard: "$200?"

me: "no"

richard: "$300?!"

me: *steely glare *

richard: *begging* "$1000?!?!" (as if that were the largest amount of money fathomable)

me: *continues typing *

richard: "how much? name. your. price."

me: "dignity has no price. nor can it be bought."

richard: "my heart is dashed into a thousand pieces! please?! PLEASE?!"

you know, when i wasyoung and innocent people used to say "she's going to be a heartbreaker" this was not at all how i imagined it.

recently overheard regarding myself:

"she was smokin' when i first met her. now. she's... not so smokin'"

it's time for a diet.

actual dialouge between me and a salesman:

me: "hello, richard, how are you today?"

richard: (looking petulant) "ok."

me: "just okay?"

richard: "i'd be alot better if i could see your boobies!"

me: (unruffled) "don't you get to see lonnie's* boobies every night?

richard: "yes, i do. but i'm tired of them. it's like having to eat chicken for dinner every night when you want shrimp! ALL YOU CAN EAT SHRIMP!"

me: "maybe you should have thought about this before you moved onto the poultry farm. hmm?"

richard: (peevishly glares)

*his live in girlfriend of a month who he describes as "having a guy friend. but with boobs!"

This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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