Never Say Never


Just yesterday I was saying my life was dull and I had nothing to blog about. Well, that was yesterday.

Last night, as I was sitting in the back of a police car with handcuffs digging into my wrists, I thought "Well, this is might bloggable."

The Short Version (the long version will come later): I was accidentally driving on a suspended license (which they can arrest you for) but also had a handgun in the car (I DO have a permit). However, life is swell, because the arresting officer had the hots for my sister. The supervising officer had the hots for my other sister.

Moral of the Story: keep your sisters hot and you will stay out of trouble.

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I miss blogging.

I miss people telling me I'm funny. I miss having funny stories to tell. I miss thinking "I totally have to blog this" and knowing that the humor of the moment will be enjoyed and carried on by a few more people.

Unfortunately, in the past eight months, I've been unable to blog anything work related, given the nature and position of my work. I have more people under me and wouldn't want them to find this blog because, well, let's face it. That would be weird. And yes, in the past few months, I did have a very close call.

Also, in the past year, I've changed quite a bit. I've become, dare I say it, kinder! Granted, I'm no Mother Theresa, but I went a whole week with house guests without insulting anyone. Can you imagine that a mere two years ago? Me either.

I'm afraid I've become frightfully dull. I no longer try to mow children down who are getting on school buses, I drink more tea that I used to and even do things like eat healthy and workout regularly. In short, I'm becoming quite pedestrian and boring.

However. In spite of all that, I've decided I want to start blogging, simply because it's nice and I miss it. And I don't really give two figs if anyone finds me funny.

That's what I say now.


Why God, Why?


Discussion regarding all the ugly wives of rich men we see.

Joy: "Do you really want your life value wrapped in cupcakes?!"

Sarah: pause. "Um, yeah, actually, I'd be ok with that."

Joy: pause "Yeah. Me too, actually. The whole femanatzi superhero thing wears a little thin after awhile."

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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