Two Words:

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Buyer's Remorse.

I did not hit an early mid-life crisis and buy a boat, Corvette and young wife. Or girlfriend. Though, right now I am wishing I had. Even the girlfriend bit.

Instead, I agreed to INVEST my Saturday in chaperoning a TWO HOUR bus ride up to Wilmington in a bus filled with twittering, aspiring-model girls. Which, might not be so bad, since they do idolize you a bit. Their eyes widen ever so slightly when they hear you are a model. Obviously, if this title is being applied to me, they use it rather loosely. But, since they are none the wiser, these girls want to be JUST LIKE YOU, plus a gastric bypass surgery, when they grow up. Or grow out, or whatever.

Where this Saturday really begins to detoriorate is the six and a half hour photo shoot that follows the two hour bus ride.

One word:


Joy and I, have in the past, fended them off with much humor and our innate ability to create coherent intelligent sentences. Which does, I must admit, give us a rather unfair advantage in the whole conversation department. Joy and I were Cute and Funny, Joy being cute, me being funny. But now, I am a gruesome half-creature known as Funny, leaning towards Odd. I cannot, do this alone! These girls are the depravity of man imposed in female form. Catty. Skanky. Brainless. In telling you this, not that I haven't said it before, it is me being incredibly wholesome and truthful, I see this as my opportunity to be Salt & Light in a world that is incredibly decieved when it comes to the entire beauty industry.

If I escape alive, without claw marks, I will let you know.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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