For Shoes I Am Not Flattered

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For the first time, I have found something distasteful in regards to shoes.

A woman at work saw by aforementioned beautiful birthday flowers, and asked me how old I had turned, to which I replied rather truthfully, eighteen.

Her eyes widened in horror and disgust and she remarked "I have shoes older than you."

I wanted to say, but only though, "Honey, any shoes that are older than me should most likely be burned on the spot. I wouldn't advertise that you have committed such a crime against fashion, but far worse, against the name of shoes!"


I got my eyebrows waxed over lunch. I had to choose food over beauty. Beauty won. Hands down. I was told I have perfectly shaped brows. Scary. I would not want to see unperfectly shaped brows, that would be very, very scary. I was inspired to get my brows done after looking at pictures from my birthday. Terrifying. They had a striking similarity to four years ago when I didn't pluck them.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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