Looking Foward...

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I look forward to the day my zits will no longer be visible, because the deep wrinkles on my face obscure any sort of Infected Pore Sighting By Overly Zealous Coworkers.

It will be a glorious occasion when I am allowed, nay, expected to mash my food into a giant pile and eat it undisturbed with a fork.

My hope of aging lies in the event wherein I get to park in the giant parking spots, large enough to house the Democratic Convention, in front of Wal-Mart.

I will not despair my age when I am allowed to drive a huge refrigerator car down the middle of the road at whatever speed I so desire. All the while glamming it up in huge sunglasses, sweats and my freshly permed hair.

I anticipate the year wherein I no longer have to buy expensive perfume since I have the distinct odor of those over the age of bathing.

I love old people. Really. REALLY TRULY.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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