Button Buttoners Beware!

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Miss Overly Zealous Coworker, who was mentioned a few posts ago (see: Looking Forward...) has just informed that I button my cardigan improperly. Save mismatching the buttons and holes, I did not know it was possible.

Please understand this comes from a woman who wears pleated pants, with tapered legs and they are perpetually one inch too short for her. Please note that she thinks the whole Fluffy-Short-Tapered-Hair is very mod and hip, her idea of changing her hair color is by varying between two shades of blonde, depending on the season. Please digest the fact if I look/dress like her when I am her age, I hope that euthenasia is legalized by then. May All People Who Have Hair Like Hers Be Killed In Mysterious Street Muggings.

My transgression was as follows: I had two, not one, buttons of my twin-set buttoned. And she so nobly informed me that I was to only have ONE button buttoned, AND that Very Special Button ONLY being the MIDDLE button. She carefully undid the offending button for me with her acrylic nail trimmed nimble fingers while I apoligized quickly and lavishly to The Button Buttoning Expert.

May all you Two Button Buttoners go to a deep and watery grave. I think the fires of hell burn paticularly hot for you. And the second button will MELT OFF.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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