Internet Dating

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I must admit, that my sisters and I have dated guys that we met on the internet, but, here are a few tips for faring a bit better than we did.

To Avoid Rednecks: Say no immediately, if, on his internet profile he says he regularly hangs out at the Redman Lodge, Lions Club, Kiwanas Club or spends most of his time playing Deer Hunter Video Games. Big Clue.

To Avoid Perverts: Say no immediately, if, when asked what his favorite activity is, he says "sex." Or tells informs you that your ears are sexy. Big Clue.

To Avoid Overly-Sensitive Guys: Say no immediately, if, he says he burst into tears upon gazing at your picture. "Your beauty is truly inspiring." Big Clue.

To Avoid Complete Loser's: Say no immediately, if, he thinks sporadic IMing constitutes a relationship. That breaking up thing is hard to do WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO BREAK UP. Big Clue.

To Avoid Dieting Demon: Say no immediately, if, he counts his calories more religiously and eats more lettuce than you have ever seen a rabbit consume. The entire date will be spent agonizing over low-calorie menu choices. When he says "Are you SURE you want to get that? It's very calorie laden!" BIG CLUE.

Learn from the mistakes of older and wiser women. And we would just like to give a quick little thanks to Luke I, Luke II, Cody, Derek, Mel, Doug, Eric, Matt and Andrew for making it so easy to hate you.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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