Who I Am

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The end of the year is when you get to look back over the past twelve months and disect every embarassing, stupid and horrid thing you have done. It is also a time to see how much you have grown and changed. This year has definately been an interesting one. I have changed, though I don't know if it is for the better.

Last night, Joy and I had one of those great little sisterly chats where the sister helps you gain perspective on life in general. It also prompted allot of thought on my part, which is normally quite fearsome.

Over the past year, my priorities have become ever so slightly skewed. When she asked me what the purpose of my life is, instead of spitting out some sort of unconvincing canned line, I really thought. What IS the purpose of my life? (Profound, eh?)

The past few months, I have sought to make myself a interesting person. (Aiming high, aren't we?) From what did that goal perpitrate? Because, it is much easier to reach out to people and connect with them when you are multi-faceted. But, you cannot let your priority become BEING INTERESTING because you completely lose focus and push people aside for projects. Thus, nullifying all your wonderful intentions. This might seem quite basic for some of you, but for me this is quite revolutionary.

I have also seen myself morph into this caustic, sarcastic, cynical and biting person. At times, it is nice and conventient, because I will be the first to tell you what I REALLY feel. But, it leaves few people who know that deep down. DEEP DOWN. Ok, THE DARKEST RECESSES. I am truly a nice person. After awhile, the facade blends with who you really are and then YOU BECOME A BITCH. And I am rapidly getting there. Anyway.

I am now taking suggestions on how to make myself a nicer person.

4 Responses to “Who I Am”

  1. Blogger Dave 

    I didn't think you were that much of a "bitch" as you call it.

  2. Blogger Endeavor 

    Every life has a purpose. Only a few people will ever know what theirs is. Where does that leave the rest of us? It leaves us doing all that we are capable, and that is simply just BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF. I believe that is what is happening for you right now. I would say dont fight it. Let the thoughts and questions roll out, and use them to assess yourself. To discover who lives inside of you is only when you can appreciate who lives inside every else. Once you understand this fact you will start to develope an internal glow. People that come in contact with you with start to notice this glow leaving them a feeling of warmth and well being when in your presense. The next thing you know people will be inclined to open up to you telling your their deepest secrets and seeking your friendship.

    Thus, leaving you popular, having a since of belonging, letting know you are making a difference, and overall just being a better person. All because you were strong enough to find out who you really are.

    I hope this helps you a little.

  3. Anonymous Anonymous 

    Yes Sarah, you are caustic, sarcastic, and cynical. Perhaps returning to your "first love" would help to bring your ungodly attributes back in line.

  4. Blogger Rick 

    ... then again, Jesus was often caustic, sarcastic and cynical, too. maybe it's ok to have your moments, try harder next time, learn from mistakes and live this life.

    just a thought.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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