Signs This Diet Is Getting To Me

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I had a sudden craving for cupcakes. Good ones. With lots of frosting. I never eat cupcakes

My stomach feels as if it is going to eat itself.

My skin is developing a orange pallor from all the baby carrots.

I find myself dreaming of those really weird unhealthy foods that I like. Don't ask.

Anyone for a speck of pity?

4 Responses to “Signs This Diet Is Getting To Me”

  1. Blogger Rugger 

    yeah, you have my pity beacause, yes, I've eaten way too many carrots in too short of a time frame and have reaped the consequences. you might want to rethink your primary diet staple.

  2. Blogger steelcowboy 

    Well, you can try tuna; right out of the can, instead of the carrots. Has the added benefit of ticking off your coworkers.

  3. Anonymous JD 

    yess! the frosting made of pure lard. oh what sweet awesomeness.

    oh and the tuna cousin ate alot of tuna when he was trying to GAIN weight. something about the high protein content.

    may i suggest tofu as yummy substitute for real food. plus you'll lose a lot of weight from throwing up.

  4. Blogger Jon37 

    I just drink Pepsir all day long. Keeps me full, but is probably doing awful thgins to my brain.

    Hey- I like your '100 things about me idea'. I stole it. AND did you one better!

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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