Rumor got out that I am a pyromaniac. I am now not allowed to burn candles in my office under the guise of something silly called the "fire code".

The insert in my mail opener reads: Porkchop's preferred instrument of death and destruction.

I once informed our Vice President that I could kill someone with my bare hands. (Which, in theroy, I can, but have yet to actually prove it.)

Yesterday, I copied the back of a deposit slip and threw it in the trash. The back of the deposit slip only contains amounts of checks and abbreviated names of our companies. No bank account numbers or sensitive information. The owner walked back here and informed it it was unacceptable to throw away such sensitive information and in the future I should shred it.

Hmm. Where is my shredder?

However, my job involves working with allot of people's personal financial information. Social security numbers, bank accounts, and that sort of thing. I go through about a ream of paper a day in reports and data containing this information. I have never been instructed to destroy it. I simply throw it away, and our trash sits out back, where anyone can go through it at their own disposal.

I just recieved a memo instructing me to shred all sensitive company information, nothing about employee information. But either way, there is no way on earth I am spending half my day ripping papers up. I replied to the memo with another memo saying:

Maybe we could get a shredder? So we wouldn't have to rip up reams of paper with our bare hands?

I am fully expecting a memo in reply:

Use your safety scissors.