To The Fat Lady At The Crosswalk:

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I believe in braking for pedestrians. Mainly because if I do not, I will be thrown in jail, so you might want to say a quick thanks to the civil government for saving you fat arse.

In any event, I was not going to maliciously run over you, even though you saw fit to start jiggling across the crosswalk after MY light turned green and YOUR little crosswalk light was red. As if that were not bad enough, you had to stop RIGHT in front of my car and peer into my windshield. Um, hello, the car would appreciate it if you would respect it's personal space.

You can be very grateful I wasn't driving MY car this morning, because it would have been a very painful day for your jiggling arse.

Most sincerly,

The Nissan Driver Who Did Not Run Over You aka Porkchop

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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