She Asked For It

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The bathroom resides right across the hall from one of the nosier managers. (The one who can go drown in hot oil.)

I stepped in with my Starbucks cup, preparing to rinse it out and then throw it away in the appropriate place. This, of course, is entirely impossible. As I step into the bathroom, I am halted by a grating voice "What are you doing!?" I thought about saying:

a. preparing to blow up the building with coffee and lysol spray.

b. I am going to flush my coffee cup down the toilet and hopefully clog it.

c. I was thinking of hosing down the bathroom with cold coffee, in a attempt to freshen it up a bit.

However, seeing the client sitting at her desk, I realized none of these answers were appropriate. The only one that would properly do:

"Just getting ready to kick-start my morning with a little coffee enema!"

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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