So, We Tried To Commit Suicide With A Dull Butter Knife

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And it obviously didn't work. Nor did our attempt to jump off a bridge.

You see. Our luck is non-existant. We drove ALL THE WAY to Suicide Bridge and prepared our mortal souls to jump, only to see that there was about three feet of water, and the bridge was under construction.

As in, there was no part of the bridge touching land. There was no ladder. There was NOTHING. I almost threw myself off the rocks, but my Barbie restrained me. (She will jump off a bridge with me, but not let me throw myself off the rocks.)

You realize your life has reached a new low point when even death is impossible.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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