My Weekend, Abbreviated

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The only reason I am giving you an abbreviation is because my weekends are no longer two days, merely a piddly one day. So, Saturday night after I got off work TWO HOURS LATE, I left STRAIGHT from work and arrived five hours later after nearly running over a man and getting rather slightly lost in the godforsaken back roads of Virginia.

Unfortunately, I was not able to be privy to all the hilarity of the weekend but highlights did include:

Me running around in my underwear, and thus creating an argument between Princess and I as to whether they were mine or hers. (THEY WERE MINE!)

Queen-Of-Slackers feeding the dog more alcohol than was morally right. The dog is a lush who will drink out of people's cups on the sly.

Calling up Starbucks Boy and passing the phone around so everyone could get their two cents in.

Convincing Queen-Of-Slackers that crying to Coldplay for no reason at all was quite normal. I do it all the time.

Having Queen-Of-Slackers and Princess rip the bikini off my body and leave me shivering in bed.

Watching Barbie eat a entire bag of Fritoes and then wonder why her stomach hurt.

Clinging to Twiglet, Queen-Of-Slackers , Princess and Barbie while watching the dumbest movie ever and screaming appropriately and waving our legs in the air at all the scary parts... and the unscary parts... and every time a door was opened.

Driving home with Barbie and Princess while being stalked by Bubba whose license plate said "Baygin".

Screaming "PRAISE JESUS!" and throwing our hands into the air everytime we passed a church while driving home with Barbie and Princess.

I will miss Princess. But that doesn't mean we still can't have good times...

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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