I Am Quite Possibly The Only Person In The World Who Doesn't Like Chronicles Of Narnia

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Even when I was young and the rest of my siblings would eagerly talk for hours of The Chronicles of Narnia series, I would denounce it with the same enthusiasm I spoke of the falseness of Santa.

I hate fantasy. It irritates me. It isn't true! IT CANNOT HAPPEN. CANNOT! DO YOU HEAR ME?!

But, tonight, trying to turn over a new leaf, I went to watch the remade version of The Chronicles. While everyone else was musing over the intricacy of detail, the darlingness of the children and the beautiful sweeping camera work I couldn't focus.

I was wondering did the little fawn/man creature ever hear of back waxing? I was troubled that they were highly inaccurate regarding the dreadlocks of the wicked witch. Or whatever the hell her name was. Do they not realize you cannot comb dreadlocks out? You have to CUT them out? Thus, rendering her combed out hair for the battle scene, very unreal. What about the children sleeping on the dead animal? HOW DISGUSTING! If anyone has ever smelt a dead animal, even if it was only dead overnight, you know exactly of what I am referring. Furthermore, if it was warm enough for them to sleep outside, it was warm enough for the animal to start premature decomposure.

As you can see--fantasy was never my strong point.

Though, I have yet to figure out what my strong point is. Unless you count bitchiness.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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