Like Everyone Else, I've Found Something To Gush Over This Spring

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It’s official. I’m in love. I’m in love with the lazy accents, the lack of humidity, the water that leaves my hair bouncy and shiny. I love the fact that everyone lets you in traffic when you want. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been using it to my advantage. Just yesterday I jumped a curb, (another perk of driving a huge four wheel drive truck) cut a stoplight by flying through a car dealership and made a U-Turn in heavy evening traffic in front of a semi truck and cut some poor chap in a huge manuel transmission truck off. He looked slightly pissed, but after we rolled the window down and sweetly apologized, he was more than alright. Ah. Those sweet southern people.

However, be warned, the cops aren’t nice. (though I have not been stopped, two people I’m driving with, have been) Do not be fooled by their charming accents, no matter how leisurely! Even if they do sound and look suspiciously like better looking versions of ex boyfriends) They also have something here they call Speed Awareness Week, which, apparently, they take “very seriously“ and “do not give warnings“. Upon hearing this, like true northerners all we could muster up was a good “Wtf, mate?’

Overzealous cops aside, it has been the most lovely week ever. Even though I was plagued with much work, I seemed to sleep better and longer even on the nights I got three hours of sleep. The nights sweem to be longer and time seems to stretch a bit more. I am a bit worried about myself, I haven’t listened to anything but country music since I got here. Even though I’m on my way home, I have no intention of quitting.

There has been, of course, the handful of southern boys who cannot understand why I have to be so mean. According to them it is “very unbecoming to an otherwise talented and gorgeous woman”. Darlings. I have news for you. Being assholes is also very unbecoming to otherwise successful and good-looking men. Something I have definitely understood is most southern men don’t quite know what to do when a pickup line is rejected, regardless of the accent and the good manners accompanying the delivery. Sorry, boys. Though you might want to chalk it up to my genetics rather than my geography. No matter where I’ll go, this is the way it is. Because my Daddy raised me right. The line from a country song I’m listening to now applies beautifully “It’s better to be hated for who you are than loved for who your not.” Ah! A scrap of country music for every situation. I have a feeling my sister is going to quickly tire of this. She is already a little worried that a week down here has corrupted me. I think it has.

Damn the south! Now I know what I’ve been missing all along. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.

I go back to my little northern apartment with my northern sister and my evil northern ways. And I still live it. Because I have my family. And there is nothing in my life that matters more than that.

4 Responses to “Like Everyone Else, I've Found Something To Gush Over This Spring”

  1. Anonymous steelcowboy 

    The South does have its charms.
    Family? Many more charms.

  2. Anonymous qu 

    which is why i'm doubly blessed - because my family is IN the south.


  3. Anonymous chigbee 

    Wait until summer in the south with it's 99 degree coupled with 80% humidity...ugh

  4. Anonymous TinkerBell 

    Now you know why I loved NC so much.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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