I would like to post some of the lovely pictures my sister made it possible for me to post, but alas! I do not have the URL's handy at the moment, so I will just think aloud for a second.

Last night at modeling school, we had a male instructor. Please understand our instructor quit, and so for the last few weeks we have been shuffled from piller to post, they randomly throw whatever instructor happens to be handy at our mercy. Well, last night the male instuctor was observing our runway skills, or lack thereof and asked us why we didn't feel comfortable on the runway. Some people were truthful,and others gave some bull crap answers, but I honestly said because I knew I was too fat to ever do runway and didn't really see the point.

He then launched into this little speech about how I am not fat, blah, blah, blah. Well, of course he was going to say that, he is PAID to say that, and like he would tell anyone they are fat. Anyway, as I KNEW would happen, Joy came home and told Dad, who gave me a little speech about self-confidence. Of course, to be expected. Don't even get me started about the likelyhood of me being able to model.

And then, over the past few weeks it has really been hitting me how I really, really do not want to be a nurse. But, since I don't have any better ideas, or better courses of action, we must proceed. Today while I was in court, another long story, it occoured to me how much I miss doing office work. Not necessarily that, but I miss the structure, the making things happen, the thrill of finishing a project.

am sure being a nurse will be great, just great, but do I really want a job where I am on my feet for twelve hours at a time? Where I get to go to work in something that resembles sleeping wear? I have all these great ideals about nursing, and read great things, but have get to meet a person with the kind of job I want, or the type of person I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I know tons of nice people who are nurses, but not necessarily the TYPE of person I want to be. I know, I know, I can start a new trend, or something like that, but... anyway. I am sure I can live with it.

Besides, if I am not to do that, what am I to do? Stupid reason to proceed but, oh well. I feel my stronger points are administration, creative thinking, and organization, and making up inspirational bull.

Alas. I'll just weep about it for a bit, and I'll be ok.