Fake

Published 8.10.04 by Porkchop | E-mail this post

In my lifetime I have been asked if allot of me is fake.

People used to ask me if my voice was real, if I really talked like that, etc. I am constantly asked if I have fake eyelashes. Do I wear contacts to make my eyes this green? Have I ever had plastic surgery to enhance my smile, jaw, whatever.

But today, is monumental in that I was asked, are your boobs fake? NO! I repeat NO! I have worked very hard for boobs this big, I eat allot and purposely refuse to exercise. And when I was younger I religiously did the boob enhancing exercises. I repeat they are one hundred percent genuine. End of story. I am insulted. Are they overly perky?

I cannot believe I just posted that. A true but scary story.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

Fake

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