Driving: Anywhere


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One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago
One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York
One hand on wheel, one finger and head out window, cursing, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Philly
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, and both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in backseat: Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game: Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window: Texas
Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with left blinker on: Florida
One hand on wheel, the other holding a cell phone, driving 130 mph and four feet from your bumper, late for happy hour, while flashing headlights to tell you to get the hell out of the way: Washington, D.C., Beltway


1 Responses to “Driving: Anywhere”

  1. Blogger Brian 

    Seen 'em before, but those are great. :-)

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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