I Am Troubled

Published 4.1.05 by Porkchop | E-mail this post

I believe I am a special and unique person in that I am one of the few people, as a New Year's Resolution I promised no longer to agonize over the fate of my sister in marrying her boyfriend.

This Includes:

I am no longer allowed to despair about her fate when she is in the room, saying things like "It's your life, if you want to ruin it, be my guest!"

I will not send him terse emails with the subject line "You May Not Live To See Tomorrow"

I will stop perusing the yellow pages for Hitmen For Hire.

I will stop telling my sister her children will be unbelievably ugly, deformed and generally devoid of our lovely good looks if she choose to marry him. Instead, I will just beg her to consider the need for improving the gene pool.

I will stop making pointed references to the "wonderful opportunities for selling yourself as a mail order bride."

I will no longer start the Family Dinner Conversations with asking who will volunteer as a castration experiment.

But then again, people normally forget these things by the middle of January. RIGHT?

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

I Am Troubled

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