Revolting Recollections


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During dinner last night, we were having those freakish jaunts down memory lane that nearly causes you to lose your appetite. (Nearly, but not quite. Very little keeps me from my food.) It pains me to remember how I dated his fellow but some memories are too good to keep to myself and must be shared with my loyal blog audience.

This former boyfriend (thought I cringe at calling him that), owner of not one but TWO huge Ford trucks, wanted to purchase a set of truck testicles as "manly" decoration. Yes, really. As if the giant, rumbling, muddy vehicles with urinating gremlin decals were not enough, AS IF.

I told him in no uncertain terms that I WOULD NOT ride in or near any vehicle sporting such decoration. Furthermore, I would WALK before being seen supporting such vulgarity with my presence. Faced with the prospect of a girlfriend who would be doing a lot of walking (and would quickly lose those curves he loved!), he
relented. Imagine my shock when I saw him mowing the lawn on his riding lawnmower, testicles proudly dangling FROM HIS LAWNMOWER. Painted yellow, to coordinate with his John Deere equipment.


Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.



6 Responses to “Revolting Recollections”

  1. Blogger Chad 

    I've heard it said that men who drive around large trucks like that are doing it for "testicular compensation." Sounds like the case for this "friend" of yours.

  2. Blogger VDOprincess 

    There are not words.

  3. Blogger Rick 

    what bothers me is that i immediately thought of at least three buddies who would love to have those. i need to check my relationships, don't i?

  4. Blogger joy 

    Yes, Rick, yes, you do. Definitely.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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