Instead of saving for college, my kids will be saving for Mum's traffic violations


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PageantBarbie: anything interesting happening to you today?

Porkchop: i just ran a red light. very much accidental. in front of a cop. my ticket is being written as we text.

PageantBarbie: *gasp* oh dear! did you bat your eyelashes?

Porkchop: i was/am to irritated. whatever.

PageantBarbie: as well you should be. in that case, did you flick him off?

Porkchop: restrained myself. what irritates me the most is the stpid lectures. it's like, you just GAVE me points AND a fine. SHUT YOUR MEALY PIE HOLE.

PageantBarbie: lol. true that, true. was he at least cute? or having a modicum of cuteness? (like that is a great consolation)

Porkchop. No! and while your at it, STOP TRYING TO BE ALL CHATTY MR. UGLY POLICEMAN.

PageantBarbie: lol. you should have tried to get a date out of it.

Porkchop: i was slightly ticked and flustered, didn't want to.

PageantBarbie: tsk, tsk, gotta work on that.

Porkchop: I AM TICKED. grrrr.

PageantBarbie: as well you should be! fancy that, any cop daring to ticket Le Porkchop!

Pageant Barbie: YOU'LL show him the CHOP in Porkchop


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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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