Good Deed For The Year

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I did not save a child from drowning. I did not say charitable things to the people I work with. And I most certainly did not write a retraction for my fridge memo. This weekend, on my way to model land, I managed to run over three canadian geese.

Do not worry, my car is fine. No damage, save the goose feathers stuck in the grill and the fact I had to endure the smell of roasting goosefeathers and flesh for a few miles.

I know I should feel bad for mowing down such "harmless" animals. But, since a very young and tender age, I have had a deep entrenched hate for geese. Most likely from all those years of them chasing me around the park pecking my butt, even though I was kindly trying to feed them bread. Ok. So I had a slight fascination with pulling their feathers out. BUT I WAS TRYING TO FEED THEM! I thought it was fair! I, at the tender age of seven, had my own Food For Feathers program in place. But they too, thought they could get their food AND keep their feathers. Stupid geese.

Do not think that I went out of my way to run over them. I would not give them that much respect or dignity. The vile birds decided that they needed to cross, all fifty-seven of them, right in front of me as I was doing ninety miles per hour. For a quick second, I entertained the thought of swerving, but then I remembered my ill-fated sister who swerved to avoid a animal and flipped her car over THREE times. And then, in the next quick second, I remembered the lesson my father had drilled into the rest of his living children "if their is a choice between your life and the life of a animal, go with your life." I wondered if the fact he saved this life lesson until AFTER her accident, was on purpose, but I never questioned him. Nor did I question the exceptions that followed his life rule, such as "unless you recently managed to get rejected from the state college" or "unless you envision yourself stripping your way through college" or "unless you are going to have your license suspended a second time, in that case, just kill yourself."

So, when I felt the crunch of the three corpses underneath my fast-moving tires, I was tempted to feel guilty. But then I remembered I had just done the free world a favor. Or at least the free world of seven year olds. They could now play freely, with three less geese to peck them, spread diseases to them and threaten death by bludgeoning with beaks.

Ok. Maybe I should have let the geese live.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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