I Am No Longer "Weird" or "Not Right" I Have Now Been Christened "Afflicted"

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Exhibit A: I rolled something that looked very much like a joint of marijuana (which was actually simply rolled copier paper) and lit it, in my office.

Exhibit B: Once I was caught for "smoking" in the building I sprayed enough Coconut Lime Verbena air freshener to have the people at the opposite end of the building come down here and ask me if I was preparing for the beach.

Exhibit C: I took my very convincing looking joint outside to smoke with my boss and stood at the back of the building where cops frequently patrol.

Exhibit D: When a fellow employee asked me what I was doing, I told them my job had given me, get this: a stress related disease and I had, a few weeks ago, been prescribed marijuana.

Exhibit E: The owner asked me what exactly I was doing, I informed him I was studying our latest report and absorbing it via smoke osmosis.

Exhibit F: After reluctnantly stubbing my joint out, I crammed a entire milky way in my mouth. When asked what exactly I was doing, I said (through a entire milky way bar) "I have the munchies!"

Exhibit G: When told I would not be fired because it was obvious I was mentally unstable and they felt sorry for me, I threw myself across my desk and begged them to reconsider.

1 Responses to “I Am No Longer "Weird" or "Not Right" I Have Now Been Christened "Afflicted"”

  1. Anonymous Joe 


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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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