Yet Another Reason I Am Going To Be Single

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Apparently, I am to damn picky. (And I am simply a pathetic loser.)

Let me explain:

Charming old lady I work with has been talking up her grandson for months. I was a tiny bit skeptical since this very grandson showed his grandma the refridgerator he turned into a keg cooler which was dubbed the "Keginator". (I mean, really, what decent grandson shows his grandmother these things?) But, since I am clearly beyond the point of pickiness, she brought in pictures of her handsome grandson.


Handsome is a very subjective term.


As I rifled through the pictures, I was politely making comments, but inwardly screaming GET THESE THINGS AWAY FROM ME. HIS UGLYNESS MIGHT RUB OFF ON ME. After I politely finished and made appropriate comments, she was showing them to all the horny old ladies in my office who cooed what a hot little stud he was. It was only then, as I was sitting at my desk, that she pulled out the picture of him, with his girlfriend. His girlfriend who, I gleaned from the rather loud comments, is quite cute and adorable.

Excuse me, do I have a sign stapled on my forehead that reads: In Danger Of Becoming The Spinster Nanny Sister, Please Try And Hook Me Up With All Things Male. Single AND Attached, Welcome.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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