Last Of The Cell Phone Saga


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I call my insurance company. After giving all the necessary information and waiting on hold for twenty-thousand years, she tells me they are out of my phone.

Fine. Whatever. Wasn't paticularly attached to this model. She asks me if there are any features I absolutely must have. Thinking that most cell phones have the basic things I need, I informed her the only thing I would desire would be something of similar size (my phone was tiny) with a longer battery life.

I hold.

She comes back saying the phone is identical to mine, except it has no outside screen. I didn't even know they still made phones with no outside screen! That is a VERY important feature. I like to screen calls and know who I am talking to. She goes back to look again.

I hold.

She finially picks back up and gives me another model. Saying it is half an inch longer than my old phone with a longer battery life. I look it up, skim it quickly and assume she knows what she is talking about. While thinking it looks a little bit chintzy and cheap, I say something to the effect of "since it appears I have no other options, I guess it will do". She confirms that my options were running out. I finially finish the call.

As soon as she hangs up, I realize the piece of cheap plastic they will be sending me has a talking battery life of one hour less! AN HOUR LESS!
I am very angry.

I think the only other way to get my old phone model back would be to purposely smash this new one, once I get it, and take it back to the Verizon store where they should replace it under the "damaged" clause.

Now that I think of it, I should have just run over my old phone and taken it back. I don't think they would have noticed the liquid damage. I weep for you, old phone. I will miss your better battery life and sleek lines. It just goes to show, you don't realize what you have until you lose it.


Like, my sanity, for instance.


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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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