Slithering Down The Slippery Slope

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Towards plump.

Not only am I rapidly becoming soft, fleshy and matronly. But I am ensuring that my deep, dark fears of forever being alone will come true. I am also affirming my growing realization that I am pretty, in a mousy diminutive sort of way.

Knowing the truth and it setting you free, sucks.

Because, you know what being free, in this case, means? Early, early mornings at the gym. Not eating. Taking crack/diet pills. And worrying over whether the haircolor I selected is the BEST for me.

Remind me again why I cannot be the Fat Auntie who makes cannolies and cookies, gives your warm hugs in her huge enveloping bosom and FOREVER REMAINS UNMARRIED AND LONELY?

My outlook is bright.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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