I Have Finially Figured Out My Genre


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Every female has that certain genre of men that is attracted to her. Occasionally there are deviations, but they can normally be pegged pretty well.

Barbie: The stoic boring professional man. Those who fantasize about, well, Barbie dolls. It's the blonde hair, blue eyes and the tight little body.

QOS: Preps. They love her. The preppy dorks are attracted to her because of her exotic beauty.

Me? Either scrawny teenage boys or old men. The teenage boys because my voluptious curves are the stuff of their MTV dreams. Yeah. Ghetto curves. When I say old men I mean 40+. They have normally been through a couple wives, have a couple kids and possible grandkids. They always try to set me up with their offspring when I gently repell their advances.

Basically. I draw from two extremes. Why can't I settle happily in the middle?

Because that mean I would have to be normal. And we all know Porkchop doesn't do normal well. At all.


12 Responses to “I Have Finially Figured Out My Genre”

  1. Anonymous steelcowboy 

    Here now! I'm OLD? That's a mean cut! ;)

  2. Anonymous Mikey 

    You talked about yourself in the third person again. So hot.

  3. Anonymous Kelly M 

    OMGOSH! I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM AS YOU!! Either little boys barely legal OR NOT(egads!!) go for my style...or I get the mid-life crisis to thinking of retirement set!! Ai yai yai! Why no middle ground indeed!!?! I met this sweet geek that is a hard worker with a great character and I did have a bit of a crush on him but I can't get him to 'turn his head to me no matter what I do! I have settled with the fact that I'll either get a much older man or some crazy younger one that digs the ooooh 'older woomaaan'!

    ugh...Ok thanks for letting me vent...I am so perplexed on the matter... I have pondered this for quite some time...you say it is your curves...i'm a bit on the petite minus the curves side...baby got some back but that's it..:P!..so i'm not sure what my excuse/explanation is?!...Perhaps my coy personality? Have you ever been called coy?! I think it is the challenge for them...I play HARD ..heck i AM hard to get..I'm admittably a wild mix of 'extremes' and been through odd experiences and lots of transitions..Maybe it is my mysterious diverse aura! Perhaps you relate as well??

    I posted on your blog awhile back(the former nursing school considering law school chic)...you asked me to post my blog link.... and I meant to come back earlier (:Psorry) and say that I will as soon as I feel creative enough to make a new one. My old college blog is filled with quizzes and meaningless, irrelevant drivel. I don't give out the link b/c why would I for such an episode of my life.....i.e. I was battling depression at the time..yeah it sucked....:) but i'm much much better now;) Love your blog..always come back..God bless..Kelly M<>< :)

  4. Anonymous QOS 

    Yikes. You're actually totally right. Anyone in a sweater-vest automatically beelines for me.

  5. Anonymous steelcowboy 

    Whew...glad I don't wear a sweater vest...

  6. Anonymous QOS 

    Right. Because it would totally suck to be attracted to me.

  7. Anonymous Mikey 

    Kids, sweater vest guy is like "earlier this year I wrote a Wikipedia novel. I constructed probably about 8 or 9 pages around a fake conspiracy I made up which involved mysterious radio signals being captured from outer space called "Geheinzinger Transmissions or Rhine-Ruhr Abfangen" because they were collected and catalogued by Holt Geheinzinger professor of Geopolitics and Communication at the Universitat Dusseldorf located in the Rhine-Ruhr area of Germany. It took a week for them to take it down but I still have all the entries saved on my computer and will probably repost them somewhere. I even made fake "recordings" of a lot of the Geheinzinger Transmissions and researched radio stations where they could've been collected."

    So, yeah. In reality, don't you think it would suck for you to be attracted to him? Because, really, vests are never acceptable.

  8. Anonymous queenofslackers 

    Yeah. That's totally the kind of guy who would try to hit on me in a bar.

  9. Anonymous QOS 

    Yeah. Totally the kind of guy who would hit on me in a bar.

    It's either dorks, or drunk Young Republicans.

  10. Anonymous thesciencegirl 

    Ooh... good post. I think the genre of men I attract are Latino construction and sanitation workers, and old black men. Joy.

  11. Anonymous chigbee 

    I'm pretty sure the types of guys that are attracted to me are gay.

  12. Anonymous Memphis Steve 

    Hmmm, I don't seem to fit in here anywhere. That's odd. I thought perhaps I would. Maybe I should take that as a sign?

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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