sorry sir, but we're fresh out of the lunch special

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actual dialouge between me and a salesman:

me: "hello, richard, how are you today?"

richard: (looking petulant) "ok."

me: "just okay?"

richard: "i'd be alot better if i could see your boobies!"

me: (unruffled) "don't you get to see lonnie's* boobies every night?

richard: "yes, i do. but i'm tired of them. it's like having to eat chicken for dinner every night when you want shrimp! ALL YOU CAN EAT SHRIMP!"

me: "maybe you should have thought about this before you moved onto the poultry farm. hmm?"

richard: (peevishly glares)

*his live in girlfriend of a month who he describes as "having a guy friend. but with boobs!"

2 Responses to “sorry sir, but we're fresh out of the lunch special”

  1. Anonymous Kat 

    HAH! Clever.

  2. Anonymous colanderman 

    Its one thing to pretend to be shallow and laugh hysterically at all the possible stupid ass things one could carelessly...this guy really is the guy I like making fun of. He never had a name before now he does.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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