New Name


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American Public, I implore you to STOP NAMING YOUR CHILDREN SARAH. Not only is it giving ME an idenity crisis, but your poor daughters will have a much higher risk of suicide than another child without such an abused name.

Sarah has been in the top ten names for approximentally fifty years, topping the list at number one for SEVERAL. Does anyone else not see the horror of this? PEOPLE BE CREATIVE! Your little cretins are looking up to you, even from the moment they are named. How can you then, with good conscience inspire them to creative thinking, when the very reminder of your lack in that department is staring right at you, on their HELLO MY NAME IS tag.


Besides, how many little princesses can we have in one little world?


1 Responses to “New Name”

  1. Anonymous Anonymous 

    Could be worse. You could be one of the little darlings I deal with, who has to go through life named Crenshaw, or Truman, or Madison. And then there's the kid named Magnum. His mother didn't seem to recognize the TV show, so I'm not sure if it's for a champagne bottle or if she's a Dirty Harry fan.
    And then,you could have a trailer park trash name like Amber or Tiffany. Or have a made up name like Kaelin, Lakeysha, or D'Juan which you will be spelling over the phone for the rest of your life, and in the case of made up "African" names, will stereotype you forever!

    And then there are the Katherines. Go out into my fair city, and you will run into endless Kates, Katies, Kaitlyns, ad nauseum. One little girls soccer team had an ENTIRE roster, all of whom were named some derivation of Katherine. Go into Home Depot and call "Katie" and the little girls will come running from all directions....

    My older daughter IS a Sarah, because with a long Hispanic surname that everyone mangles, at least she will only have to tell people whether she is Sarah with or without the final H!

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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