New Sign In The Employee Bathroom, As Requested By My Boss


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To Those Who Use This Bathroom:

We live in a rather advanced day and age of medicine.

Realistic prothetetics have been developed, every day they are coming closer to a cure for cancer, we no longer have plagues and rampant debilitating diseases. Small pox, black plague, bubonic plague and other sickness that brought certain death, have not been heard of in years.

Do you know why this is possible? Because people learned HYGEINE!

Not just the basic washing of hands and soap usage, but the THROWING YOUR PAPER TOWELS INTO THE TRASHCAN.

Think about it. Do you REALLY want to pick up someone's germy paper towel with little creepy-crawly things and only God-knows-what on it? NO. And no one wants to pick up yours. So, we have a simple little request:

AIM. Don't miss.

The trashcan is waist high, two inches from where you are standing now. If you miss and are incapable of trying again and AGAIN until you get it, you should really think about what the words PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING.

If you find all this insulting, just clean up after yourself and you will save yourself the trouble of reading them and me writing them.


4 Responses to “New Sign In The Employee Bathroom, As Requested By My Boss”

  1. Blogger QOS 

    my mom babysat a girl who died of bubonic plague. freaky.

  2. Blogger Rick 

    donald miller, in _searching for God knows what_, tells about being a kid and still believing in santa - until one day at the mall in a public bathroom, santa come in. he's a kid, but he's cool about it - until santa walks out without stopping at the sink. ruined christmas for him, knowing the santa doesn't wash.

    that santa would miss the trashcan, too, i'm sure.

  3. Blogger B$ 

    Don't get me started on washrooms at work. "Mens" "Ladies" is clearly marked, but you walk in and the toilet seat is up. Or there are car magazines on the back of the toilet. Get your hairy ass of the girls toilet!!!

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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