There Are Few Worse Ways To Be Woken Up

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For those of you who remember, around Christmas there were a few proposals of marriage and such folly. Since then, one of the woefully mislead suitors (though I think that is being entirely to generous with the term suitor) has begged me to marry him continually. He has tried flying me out to Hawaii, offered me "the world" and a myriad of other things.

To say the least, I am not interested. I have told him point blank, subtly, loudly, quietly, nicely, rudely (quite a few times) and even yelled it at him. I have ceased answering my phone when he calls. It is getting a little ridiculous.

But. He persists. He wants me to marry him and bear his children. SO tempting, let me tell you.

This morning, after sleeping fitfully for a number of reasons including floods and temper tantrums, my phone beeps. Telling me I have a text message.

NavyGuyWhoIAmConsideringGettingProfessionallyKilled: Good morning beautiful wife of mine.

NavyGuyWhoIAmConsideringGettingProfessionallyKilled: I know you hear me. Don't hide!

Porkchop: I am not your wife, nor do I intend to be. Please go eff yourself.

NavyGuyWhoIAmConsideringGettingProfessionallyKilled: What is up your ass?

Porkchop: In case you didn't received the first message. I am not your wife, nor do I intend to be.

NavyGuyWhoIAmConsideringGettingProfessionallyKilled: So? Lighten up a little bit.

Porkchop: This isn't funny. I AM SERIOUS.

NavyGuyWhoIAmConsideringGettingProfessionallyKilled: Oh. Well. Stop sending mixed signals.

Mixed signals. I am speechless.

11 Responses to “There Are Few Worse Ways To Be Woken Up”

  1. Blogger steelcowboy 

    Can he say HARASSEMENT? Can he say POLICE?

  2. Anonymous jd 

    well you HAVE been sending him mixed signals. you said it yourself..."point blank, subtly, loudly, quietly, nicely, rudely." no wonder the poor guy is confused. he's not sure whether his chances are one-in-a-million or more like one-in-a-gajill-trill-bill-zill-infillion.

    boys are stupid, but don't throw rocks at us because really we can't help it.

  3. Blogger Dave 

    At least you were considerate enough to reply to him and let him know he needed to stop. The go eff yourself line was a very subtle touch i think :)

  4. Blogger QOS 

    I pose the question again:

    Is he dense or does he have a bet?

  5. Blogger QOS 

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. Anonymous Anonymous 

    I'm am going to be brutally honest. You DO send mixed signals! I've seen you do it before to your other victims. Anyone who has ever met you or seen you in action will read this post, shake their heads and say "Poor fellow..."

    You are one of the most insecure person I know and you enjoy the attention his advances give you! Responding to his attempts point blank, subtly, loudly, quietly, nicely or rudely are sending mixed signals.

  7. Blogger Porkchop 

    Your right. Telling someone to go eff themselves is quite confusing.

    Maybe next time I could tell him to curl up and die?

  8. Blogger VDOprincess 

    I dunno. I think the whole "never answering his calls" thing might be construed as playing hard to get. That's probably what got him all mixed up. And then the "I am not your wife and never will be"? Well, see, that's just, um, hinting for a ring, right?
    I swear, guys are so stuck on themselves sometimes.

  9. Anonymous Anonymous 

    We are not! Gimme a Yankees game, birks, and my hat on backwards...I'm a happy camper! No rings necessary!

    As for this whole thing, Let it roll right off yer back, and don't worry about it too much. One person's opinion means little in the big picture.


  10. Blogger QOS 

    you're just playing "hard to get".

  11. Blogger Jon37 

    having been involved with a woman of mixed signals I can understand why he may be slightly insane. But IF , and only IF you have really told him to stay away and not bother you ever again, then if he's in the servcie the kiss of death ios to go to his commaning officer and say "look, tell this guy to stop before I file a restraining order, which will look very bad on his record"

    If his CO is not an idiot (oh, wait, Navy... joking here) he'll call him in and have a heart to heart.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

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