My life calling is to become a really, really fat lady. A fat lady with cankles. A fat lady who sits in her house, speaks to no one and critisizes all. I will specialize in demeaning the way people dress, while wearing basketball shorts and oversized wife beaters. I will give you a concussion in the race for the last twinkie, but loudly whine about rude people. I will watch soaps and on a intelligent day read People magazine, aloud. All the while making snarky comments about stupid people and their lack of intelligence. I will refuse offers of a reality television show regarding my patheticness and will constantly threaten everyone who does not give me my way that I will commit suicide and blame them in my death note.

However, my redeeming feature which will make everyone love me, will be my lack of cats.



There you have it. My life, decided.



Halfway there.