Offically Decided:

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My lifeitle$>My life calling is to become a really, really fat lady. A fat lady with cankles. A fat lady who sits in her house, speaks to no one and critisizes all. I will specialize in demeaning the way people dress, while wearing basketball shorts and oversized wife beaters. I will give you a concussion in the race for the last twinkie, but loudly whine about rude people. I will watch soaps and on a intelligent day read People magazine, aloud. All the while making snarky comments about stupid people and their lack of intelligence. I will refuse offers of a reality television show regarding my patheticness and will constantly threaten everyone who does not give me my way that I will commit suicide and blame them in my death note.

However, my redeeming feature which will make everyone love me, will be my lack of cats.

There you have it. My life, decided.

Halfway there.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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