I Am Giving To Her What No One Gave To Me

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Valuable advice which I should be selling her. Even though she annoys me and gets on my nerves, I am kindly advising her on the ins and outs of survival here.

1. Hide your food from the VP. As demonstrated (again!) this morning, she will steal your food and then thank you for letting her have some.

2. Tell everyone the answer is no, and then have them ask the question. That way there is always the option of being nice, but it isn't expected.

3. The Grumpy Old Bitch will tell you your wrong, but your not. Agree with her, then ignore her and continue doing as you were doing. This will save you hours of therapy instead of learning it the hard way, like I did.

4. Use markers and highlighters to make notes on incorrect work, place prominently on other people's desks so there mistakes greet them when the walk in the door.

5. You are no one's bitch. Contrary to popular belief.

6. It is much easier to be hated in this job, than liked. If you are liked, you will not do any work but exhuast yourself my talking amongst the gremlins. If you are hated, you will have much more time to work. But everyone will have to eventually answer to you since you are doing there work in the first place.

7. Avoid the stairs in high-heels at all costs.

8. Threaten to quit every quarter so you will get a raise.

9. Your on your own.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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