My Replacement

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This is why you have not heard from me, I am dangling out my office window, trying to jump.

When I first started training my replacement, I was more than a little worried that she wouldn't be able to hack it. She called out sick her second day and her fourth day she had to be gone for half of it to take her son to the doctor. It was as everyone was assuring her that was more than ok, that I realized she will fit right in. Snug as a bug in a rug.

She has the look, she has the attitude, she is super great material for this company. Her learning curve is right about where they need it. I mean this in all sincerity.

She wears plaid capri's, white sandals and a pink shirt. Her hair is amazingly flat but miraculously wider, through the wonders of frizz, than it is tall. She continually makes exasperated noises as she doesn't catch on quickly AT ALL and belittles my teaching skills. I will be the first to admit I am not the greatest teacher, patience has never been my strong suit, but when you have a pigheaded student IT DOESN'T HELP, GODDAMIT. She rolls her eyes and makes me repeat things. Several. Times.

I. Am. At. The. End. Of. My. Rope.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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