Though Quiet Isn't My Style, It Works, If Necessary

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I wrongfully thought that my last two weeks at work would go alright. Not perfectly, but maybe alright. How very, very innocent of me.

Since they have discovered I am leaving, it is even more reason to take advantage of me. And since I have absolutely no leverage since I am leaving I, for the most part, put up with it and count the minutes/hours/nano-seconds until I leave.

But, this afternoon, right before lunch, someone ticked me off beyond belief. I proceeded to slam shut my doors, blare turn up my music and pound feverishly at my keyboard. Everyone knows I am mad when they hear the sound of typing keys THROUGH the door and THROUGH the music.

After I calmed myself down, I devised a lovely plan for a silent, but deadly revenge on all those who cross me. Since I work in a office of PMSing cows, I knew this would be far better than yelling at them or making them eat carrot sticks for a week.

My boss had a bag of double chocolate kisses on her desk and was kindly offering them to anyone who would eat them. They are milk chocolate on top, with cute little dark chocolate bottoms. (I happen to loathe milk chocolate.) I confiscated the bag, bit off all the dark chocolate bottoms, rewrapped the kisses and them oh-so-charitably passed them from desk to desk.

It took them awhile to catch on, until one person either:

a. noticed the slight tooth marks (though I carefully licked the bottoms to work those out)


b. noticed the lack of dark chocolate on these double chocolate kisses.

Either way. The looks on their faces when I told them I cannot stand to eat milk chocolate but I would hate to have wasted the rest of that chocolate was more priceless than a MasterCard ad.

As you can imagine, they are the ones now counting the nanoseconds until I leave.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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