Stalkers From Iowa

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Last night, the first words out of my globe trotting father's mouth, who I haven't seen in quite some time, are:

"Who the hell visited from Iowa?"

Come again?!

I don't know anyone from Iowa! WHO THE HELL LIVES IN IOWA?! I communicated as much. He informed me that earlier that day someone pulled into is driveway and sat staring at the house for awhile. When he walked outside, they turned around and pulled out of the driveway. They had plates from Iowa.

And? (Obviously a psyco who sits in our driveway staring at our house is most definately my fault.)

"Well, I thought it was one of your internet friend/stalkers who found our house, and I wanted to know why the hell you gave out MY address!"

I pondered for a moment. Considered telling him I swore off internet dating awhile ago and that any disturbances from here on he would get to blame on my sisters. Instead, looked at him and innocently said:

"I figured if he saw you streaking through the yard, he would never stalk me again."

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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