Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Stuck With Unwanted House Guests

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I love my sister. I really do. But in her haze of love and nupital bliss, she is even more of a pushover than normal. Regardless of the fact we have several hotels, motels and bed and breakfasts in the very close driving distance she very kindly agreed to put up four out of town guests.

Two of them were supposed to stay with me. They were well informed of the lack of furniture, hospitality and food. One of them is a very dear friend and the other is someone who has a great sense of humor. I knew they would both understand that they will most likely be sleeping on the floor. I knew they would not begrudge the fact all that there is to eat is stale cereal and curdled milk. I knew they would be able to identify with my lack of time to hostess--after all, I can barely get off for the rehersal dinner.

HOWEVER. I was NOT prepared tonight when I was told that there would be two MORE guests staying at the stripped out house I call home. One of the guests I can tolerate, but ONE of them I absolutely loathe. When it was first arranged for her to stay with my sisters in THEIR apartment, I thought it was a bad idea.

This is one of those "dear friends" of my sister, who no one likes. She is allergic to EVERYTHING. Even her own hair. She cannot eat vegetables, she is allergic to dust, she really should be living in a plastic bubble. She is, in essence, a sweet person, but not really our kind of person.

Regardless of this small detail, I have been given two extra house guests that I had NO IDEA I was going to be recieving. One of which, I don't really know how I am going to keep her from going into anaphalactic shock. Dogs have lived in his house far too long, as have cats. I am sure this place is crawling with animal dander, no matter how hard I scrub. And WTF am I supposed to feed her?! I believe she can die at the slightest mistake in cooking. Wait! Idea!

Apparently, the sister who is not getting married had the brilliant idea of putitng them up with me, so their apartment wouldn't be so crowed the morning of the wedding. Super. So YOUR apartment isn't going to be crowed and you will be getting ready easily, but I will be playing waitress too HOW MANY GUESTS while trying to get ready for the wedding AND do the bride's makeup.

This also throws a wrench in the plans of doing things the evening and day after the wedding, since I will clearly be responsible for Miss. Allergies who does not believe in doing fun things. Unless fun things consists of knitting, needlepoint and tatting.

Upon hearing this news, I went into full meltdown mode. Arms waving, hair flying, foot stomping and voice escalation. Amusing to many, but highly irritating to me when I am trying to make myself be taken seriously.

I have sufficiently calmed now that I have left two theraputic voicemails to various uninvolved parties, explained my grievences twice to uninvolved parties AND typed this post out to you all--uninvolved parties. But. Regardless what is it about wedding that screams "LET'S INVITE EVERYONE OVER FOR A GIANT SLEEPOVER! WITH THE FUN GAMES! OR ALCOHOL! OR EVEN THE GIGGLING ABOUT BOYS!"

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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