Reasons My Blog Has Been Even More Boring Than The Average Boring Spell

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Because everyone reads it. Everyone including aunts, uncles, parents, siblings, former dates, dating potentials, co-workers and the mice on the counter who have been leaving gifts for Barbie.

This leaves me with little to blog about. Hell! My LIFE leaves me with little to blog about. (Yes. I know I just ended TWO sentances with prepositions.)

My most exciting endeavors as of late have been fattening myself up for a rather chubby Christmas. Today's contributions have been eating straight brie cheese and a entire bar of dark chocolate.

Yes. I'm trying to get all the rolls on my stomach to meet in one GIANT roll. I will be Jelly Roll Woman! HOORAY! And then I can roll everywhere instead of walk! Like the blueberry girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Hopefully with better hair and without the odd bellybutton. That girl's belly button disturbed me. As did Johnny Depp. But he disturbed me in a good way. Whereas Blueberry Girl's bellybutton was just plain disturbing. Mental note: in quest for fatness, don't eat anything blueberry flavored.

Yeah. This whole boring life business really needs some work.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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