Unwanted Compliment


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I'm not talking about lewd men or vocal construction workers. I'm talking about women. You know, the women who are obviously trying to get on your good side, so the prattle on endlessly with a stream of compliments that are quite clearly insincere.

I am paticularly referring to one of the new salespeople who has done nothing but get on my nerves since she started. She is older, has short lesbian like hair and NEVER SHUTS UP. You need something? Tell me, I'll get it to you as soon as humanly possible. Yet, she stands in front of my desk, waiting, brightly chattering and looking like a graying squirrel (WITH A FLUFFY TALE) .

She compliments me on my hair, my beauty, my eyes, my office, my... you get the idea. Nothing goes unnoticed. As she continues to spew her stream of pseudo-positive verbiage I can quickly ascertain she is not only annoying and chatty, she is NOSY. PLEASE STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! I do not feel the need to justify my single status to you. Or my lack of children. Or pets. Or my LACK OF INTEREST IN TALKING TO YOU AND DELVING YOU THE INTIMATE DETAILS OF MY LIFE.

She needs to fax something. GOOD GOD! IS THIS WOMAN NEVER GOING TO LEAVE. Of course, she can't just use my fax machine, now she needs a coversheet. And, of course, she is too stupid to actually operate the thing, so I have to go send the fax for her. Which puts me in closer proximity to her, which gives her more compliment fodder.

Here, let's just sear my eyes with hot pokers. That sounds like FUN!


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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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