Your The One Whose Cheeks I Want To Pinch!


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Not to long ago, if someone had said that to me, I would have recoiled. Or at least taken umbridge. I would have resolutely taken a bottle of vodka and swigged the whole thing down--just to prove them wrong. Because, I was just hardcore like that. Or I was just an alcoholic like that. Take your pick.

This past weekend was a birthday party for a coworker. As I have mentioned, Twiglett and I work together. Because I have worked here a total of THREE WHOLE MONTHS and Twiglett a whole ELEVEN months, they took the liberty of anylizing our lives, personalities and simlitarities. Their conclusions?

her: thin, European and rich looking
me: curvy, slavic and... curvy looking

her: wears fantastic shoes all the time
me: gave up wearing fantastic shoes to work, since I was ruining them all the time

her: is the wild, fun one she would "wear her underwear on TV"
me: rolled my eyes at the very suggestion

her: wears lots of shiny clothes and never wears the same outfit twice in a month
me: buys everything in black so it matches. plus, it's slimming

her: parties like a rockstar. weekend plans? was going out at the beach
me: parties like a granny. weekend plans? baking cookies. oh yes, and church

her: politics? nah! doesn't bother. who votes these days anyway?!
me: politics? will probably be baking cookies for the next campaign rally.

summary-her: fun. wild. hot. sexy. the girl you want to take out.
summar-me: conservative. demure. mature. the kind of girl you want to get to know (not in the Biblical sense) if only to get cookies.

What truly amused me about the entire situation is that I used to take great pride in being the "wild" one. Not compared to Twiglett, but to Preacher Wifey. I took such delight in helping educate her in the ways of the world. And now here I am, being the conservative, mature sister. (When told there is a ten year age difference between Twiglett and I people ALWAYS think I am older.)

Being old is kind of fun. Besides, it gives you liberty to entertain guests at parties with denture tricks.


11 Responses to “Your The One Whose Cheeks I Want To Pinch!”

  1. Anonymous steelcowboy 

    Well, some people mature with age, some don't. Some get it, and some don't.
    You've matured with out becoming jaded, and you get it. 'Nough said. :)

  2. Anonymous Joy K 

    >>the kind of girl you want to get to know (not in the Biblical sense<<
    that line cracked me up. And I love your new layout--very classy.

  3. Anonymous married to a preacher 

    Well, you know. I used to be the hardcore rebel, doing shocking things like wanting to highlight my hair and painting my fingernails green and you highly disapproved.

    I bet you end up marrying a QUAKER preacher. Just because God has a sense of humor that way.

  4. Anonymous Porkchop 

    SC--But it's so much more FUN this way! Everyone wants to take me under their wing now and marry me off to their ugly sons. Besides, when we go out with Twiglett, we get free drinks/dinner/covercharges. No one wants to give free stuff to the "girl you want to marry".

    Joy--I have to admit. I stole that from someone. And the classy layout is kudos to the married to a preacher sister.

    MTAP- Darling. You were never a rebel at HEART. You did it just for the sake of being hardcore. You have always been a softie. Besides, my disapproval wasn't always Biblical. More often than not it was fashion based. =)

  5. Anonymous having met you once 

    Well, my dad could give you some pointers for those denture tricks at parties (since he does this, much to the horror of his wife)...and of course, I just encourage him in such behavior.

  6. Anonymous Porkchop 

    Sweet! Somehow men with dentures are far more charming then women. You know, they make it funny. With women, it's just pathetic.

  7. Anonymous QOS 

    that almost makes me want to have someone side-by-side my sister and i.

    almost, but not quite. i'd be afraid to see it.

  8. Anonymous Porkchop Memphis Steve 

    You never call. You never write. You changed your page and I almost couldn't figure out how to comment. What has happened to us? We never talk anymore?

    One day I am going to meet all of you. Yes, but you won't know it's me. I'll sneak up behind you guys to see you all in person. I think they call this stalking. I prefer to think of it as just being shy.

  9. Anonymous Porkchop 

    Comparing me to a less colorful sister would have proved to be depressing. I would have actually had to face up to my underachieving.

  10. Anonymous Porkchop 

    Memphis Steve! How DARE you insinuate I never write! HOW DARE YOU! Furthermore, if we are going to get on someone's case, let's jump ELISABETH!

  11. Anonymous Co-Worker 

    Marilyn Monroe, Jane Mansfield, Jane Russel, Beyonce. Just a few examples of how appealing and desireable 'curvy looking' women are! Add the conservative nature, the maturity, the demure personality and cookie baking skills, and yes, Madam, 'getting to know you' would very much include the biblical sense.

    If you could see yourself though the eyes of others (aside from Ms. High Heel Police), you would realize the world is at your beck and call.

    It just pisses me off that you think so low of yourself. You're freaking gorgeous!

    Thanks for coming to my party, BTW.

    Oh, what did we say about funeral flowers? I can't remember.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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