Can You Say The Alphabet For Me?


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Today, this small spoiled and overly groomed creature comes into work. Her parents bought her a vehicle a week ago. For her high school graduation present. Worth more than the median income in this area. (Way too go sweetie! Maintaining that C average! Passing high school! Such a accomplishment!)

As I passed by her talking to one of our salespeople I overheard her say:

"Yes, I'm getting ready to go to college and I want to study business" As she says this, she tosses her hair and laughs an annoying sort of bray. "Oh. What do I want to do? I want to be a pharma... pharma... pharmaceutical rep!" (She bravely pushes herself through a five syllable word!) "Mhm. Yes. They do make lots of money."

I couldn't help but chuckle. I wanted to walk over to her and say "Honey. Could you do me a favor and say barbiturate? That's right B-A-R-B-I-T-U-R-A-T-E."

(I have a special place of loathing in my heart for kids who want to get into this paticular line of business not realizing how much work sales in general is. Particularly women, or girls. They think they can show some skin and be great at sales. Thus leaving the women who are actually IN sales related jobs to fight the stereotypes. Or in any profession for that matter. Anyway. I digress.)

So, I was in my manager's office telling him this story and we were laughing at it, quite hard I might add. At this moment the salesperson chose to bring her in the office and introduce her to the manager. The manager strikes up friendly conversation with her, asking the same questions and getting the same answers. Then he says "Oh! So when you're a pharmaceutical rep, you can bring us barbiturates!"

I don't know if it was the word or the fact I nearly peed myself laughing, but a look of puzzlement crossed her face. "Bar--whats?" I left the office, still shaking with and wanting very badly to say "Nothing, darling. Just bars. You know, jello shots and beer! The places wherin you find any amount of alcohol reason enough to take your shirt off!"

I am a terrible person.


2 Responses to “Can You Say The Alphabet For Me?”

  1. Anonymous Kat 

    Agreed! Hate stupid girls who think their parentally-paid boob jobs will get them FAR in this world.

    Hate even more the people who make this possible for them.

  2. Anonymous chigbee 

    Hey thanks for the laugh!

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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