Miss Character USA Investigative Reporting


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Oakbrook, IL-- At the insistence of the contestants in the Miss Character USA contest, IBLP is publicizing contestant scores, and disclosing all judging notes, scoring sheets and anything else involved in the competative process.

The controversy was sparked when straight-haired brunette contestants complained that every contestant in the Top Ten was blond with soft, flowing curls past the waist. Miss Character USA-Washington commented "When I noticed all the blond-haired girls were winning, I felt a check in my spirit. I am not trying to thwart God's plan, but in Washington it rains most of the year, so I cannot stand outside and
have the God-given-sun enhance my hair!"

When the Miss Character USA headquarters was contacted, they released the following statement.

"We are in no way suggesting these young ladies take matters into their own hands and change God's design, but we have found it to be true that blonde hair draws attention to the brightness of the eyes and curls bring attention to a radiant countenance. Perhaps the less spirtual girls may want to consider enhancing God's design with a few subtle highlights."

One pageant official who asked to remain anonymous commented, "I don't know if discrimination was involved or not, but this year's top ten truly was a thrilling, marvelous sight."

The brunette contestants and their parents are filing a lawsuit for discrimination, libel and emotional damage.



This is investigative reporting in accordance with X-er's origional article.


3 Responses to “Miss Character USA Investigative Reporting”

  1. Blogger Porkchop 

    Just in case anyone was wondering, yes, we did send Pageant Barbie in undercover.

    There wasn't a whole lot of competition for the Miss Character-Delaware.

  2. Blogger VDOprincess 

    That is SO STINKIN' FUNNY. I nearly wet myself.

    I want to be like you when I grow up.

  3. Blogger Jon 

    How do I get to be a pagent judge so I can abuse my authority?

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


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