• He is the slowest driver. Ever. He would NOT take the shoulder in traffic jams and even admitted he is one of the drivers who pulls half-way onto the shoulder to block people wisely take that paticular shortcut. YOU ARE A VERY BAD PERSON. IT IS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT CHILDREN ARE STARVING IN AFRICA.
• He wore a striped shirt with a pair of patterned pants. I didn't say anything because he was sick. BUT, GOOD LORD. Do we need to put you into Gymboree clothes with the matching animals? Lions with lions, gators with gators and such. I think, they might even give you a handy little tutorial about MATCHING YOUR ANIMALS. But I don't know if the matching clothes are made in your size. You might want to check on that.
• Did I mention he was sick THE ENTIRE TIME? Which basically meant I felt guilty the entire time for being there. Even though I offered at least once a day to go home early. I guess I am just that likeable. Or, it could be I AM JUST THAT GORGEOUS.
• He needs to shoot his dog. I was walking his dog and he wrapped his leash around my knee and RAN. Let me rephrase. He wrapped his leash around my BUM knee and ran. Which meant I was a pathetic cripple for the rest of the visit. Completely and totally pathetic.
• His cat SLEPT IN MY FACE. As we all now know. I am allergic to cats. So. Let's just shoot all the animals and put everyone out of their misery.
• He PROMISED to give me a weapon and let me shoot at random objects. Upon seeing me and remember just how... special I am. He refused to give me a gun. Refused to give me a weapon of any sort. Clearing away sharp objects, heavy objects and ropes from my vicinity while speaking in soothing tones and not making sudden movements.
• He did not eat the required goldfish. That was the bargain. I was to come visit. He was to eat a goldfish. Just think. IF I EVER SEE HIM AGAIN, it will be interest. When you see the headlines: GIANT KILLER GOLFISH STOLEN FROM POND. You will know what happened.

I already metioned leaving-me-on-the-street-corner-to-get-raped episode. But other than that I am rather dissappointed in myself. My scathing comments are pathetic and weak. I am off my form. Maybe I am spending too much time around positive people. Maybe I actually had a good time and FOR ONCE was going to admit it. But. Since that is apparently unacceptable.

PLEASE REMEMBER I AM ONLY ONE PERSON. I can only cause so much trouble at once.