So I Didn't Burn The Building Down, But I Definately Thought About It

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The only problem with that plan is that Joannie, The Coworker, has found my blog. (Hi! Joannie!) And if I DID burn the building down, I would want to report it for the amusement of my blog readers. And then she would read about it. And then, my whole plan of blaming it on the faulty wiring in my phone, which also allows me to randomly blank out of phone conversations, would be foiled.

All day, I have been a half a step away from chewing out a paticular department which enjoys changing things at their own whim, without telling me. This has prompted a longing to strangle them all until their cute little eyes pop from their heads. Then, slamming my door shut and hurling object against the wall. Including, but not limited to: red pens, manilla file folders, a stapler, my instant hand sanitizer and loud obscenities.

I also managed to gouge my knee on my charming little keyboard tray and draw blood, but not run my hose. Is that a freak of nature or what?

Today's events have prompted my inner desire to write a song title:

The Story of Porkchop: Boo Friggity Hoo.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

the past


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