Taking Off All My Clothes Would Make This Way More Interesting
Published 20.4.05 by Porkchop | E-mail this post
And yes, I thought about it. SINCE I WAS PAINTING BY MYSELF. And am tired of getting paint on various clothes. But then, I prudently realized if I were to paint my room in my underwear, my neighbors would be able to see me. And this charming (cough, cough) old man who lives next to me kind of has this nasty habit of staring... whenever the lawn in mowed in a bikini.
But really. As I was painting, BY MYSELF, I thought "this would be way more fun if I could do it in my underwear!" This was not brought on by alcohol or drugs. More likely, would be heatstroke, since it was RIDICULOUSLY HOT up there, with this weather and all. The paint was drying almost as fast as I was slapping it on the walls. Which didn't leave a whole lot of room for mistakes.
Since I had to paint with all my clothes on and progress was terribly slow, I was coveting a boyfriend. Not necessarily for the company or for the right to talk his ear off, but for the simple fact HE COULD HELP ME PAINT. Frankly, I hate painting. With. A. Passion. So whatever could be done to speed this process up would be greatly appreciated. Yes, I would EVEN GO ON A DATE WITH A GUY IF HE PROMISED TO HELP ME PAINT. Even at the price of keeping my clothes on and not talking.
That's a pretty good deal. But I still think I would be getting the better end of the bargain.
I highly recommend painting in your underwear, and believe me--I speak from experience.
2 years ago, when I rented an apartment sans central air, I took it upon myself to paint my bedroom. In July. When it was about 90 degrees out. I was sweating bullets. Then, the idea hit. I stripped down to my bra and underwear and kept painting.
Now, I have a perfectly good white bra. With ONE yellow boob.
Okay, so I totally recommend painting in your bra and underwear. About 2 years ago, I thought I'd take it upon myself to paint my apartment bedroom. My apartment sans central air. In July.
I was sweating bullets. Then, the idea struck---and the clothes came off. I'm telling you----nearly nude, or nude painting is the way to go.
The only downfall, is that now I have a perfectly good white bra. With ONE perfectly yellow boob.
(Whoops----for whatever reason, my first comment didn't go through. But, now it appears that it did. Stupid Blogger---sorry for multiple comments!)
Because the walls are fulls of crappy holes and assorted trim, I am painting my walls flat white. My floor is a tannish... something. So, it is going to be neutral. But I am going to IKEA this Saturday to accessorize.
I am sure that in and of itself will be an adventure.
Yes indeed, this is where the photos and the blog and you need to paint in the nude all come together. A shower curtain over the window will prevent Old Curious Man (what is he, 30?) from seeing you. And then, if you set up the camera to video yourself, you can set up a website and charge money for men (and some really odd women) to watch you doing it. This will more than pay for you to buy all the IKEA accessories you may desire, as well as a new car, new tractor, new clothes, or even perhaps a brand new house just for you. Melissa Lincoln, in Lincoln Nebraska, can tell you all about how to do it. She's made a fortune, been on TV, and made the cover of several magazines including FHM, all because she does this sort of thing.
It hardly seems fair.
First of all, the old man is just that, OLD. Like, SEVENTY!
I suppose that covering my window with a shower curtain to prevent prying eyes, while taping myself to post on the internet for my Grandma, God and everyone else to see, would make perfect sense.
Lavender is the color of the devil. Unless you are seven years old and trying to stage a rebellion against all the other little girls who like pink. So you decide that purple is your favorite color. I AM SO CREATIVE!
Tractor driving nekkid would be a little scary... all that dust and grit billowing about... all that boobage waving in the breeze for the dirty neighbors to see... or not.