Taking Off All My Clothes Would Make This Way More Interesting

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And yes, I thought about it. SINCE I WAS PAINTING BY MYSELF. And am tired of getting paint on various clothes. But then, I prudently realized if I were to paint my room in my underwear, my neighbors would be able to see me. And this charming (cough, cough) old man who lives next to me kind of has this nasty habit of staring... whenever the lawn in mowed in a bikini.

But really. As I was painting, BY MYSELF, I thought "this would be way more fun if I could do it in my underwear!" This was not brought on by alcohol or drugs. More likely, would be heatstroke, since it was RIDICULOUSLY HOT up there, with this weather and all. The paint was drying almost as fast as I was slapping it on the walls. Which didn't leave a whole lot of room for mistakes.

Since I had to paint with all my clothes on and progress was terribly slow, I was coveting a boyfriend. Not necessarily for the company or for the right to talk his ear off, but for the simple fact HE COULD HELP ME PAINT. Frankly, I hate painting. With. A. Passion. So whatever could be done to speed this process up would be greatly appreciated. Yes, I would EVEN GO ON A DATE WITH A GUY IF HE PROMISED TO HELP ME PAINT. Even at the price of keeping my clothes on and not talking.

That's a pretty good deal. But I still think I would be getting the better end of the bargain.

11 Responses to “Taking Off All My Clothes Would Make This Way More Interesting”

  1. Blogger Marit 

    I highly recommend painting in your underwear, and believe me--I speak from experience.

    2 years ago, when I rented an apartment sans central air, I took it upon myself to paint my bedroom. In July. When it was about 90 degrees out. I was sweating bullets. Then, the idea hit. I stripped down to my bra and underwear and kept painting.

    Now, I have a perfectly good white bra. With ONE yellow boob.

  2. Blogger Marit 

    Okay, so I totally recommend painting in your bra and underwear. About 2 years ago, I thought I'd take it upon myself to paint my apartment bedroom. My apartment sans central air. In July.

    I was sweating bullets. Then, the idea struck---and the clothes came off. I'm telling you----nearly nude, or nude painting is the way to go.

    The only downfall, is that now I have a perfectly good white bra. With ONE perfectly yellow boob.

  3. Blogger Marit 

    (Whoops----for whatever reason, my first comment didn't go through. But, now it appears that it did. Stupid Blogger---sorry for multiple comments!)

  4. Blogger sandy 

    Too bad Anonymous isn't around so that you could ask him to help you paint. Oh wait, he might think you're being pretentious. I hate Anonymous, if you haven't noticed.

    I painted my kitchen Ralph Lauren "Tapestry." It is gorgeous. What color are you using?

  5. Blogger Porkchop 

    Because the walls are fulls of crappy holes and assorted trim, I am painting my walls flat white. My floor is a tannish... something. So, it is going to be neutral. But I am going to IKEA this Saturday to accessorize.

    I am sure that in and of itself will be an adventure.

  6. Blogger Dave 

    My kitchen walls are lavender.....yes lavender and i don't even know if i am spelling that right. The "single" "guy" that lived in the house for 4 years before me chose to take it on himself to paint his walls lavender. I need to paint my walls naked.....which come to think of it isn't as appealing a thought as a girl painting my walls naked.

  7. Blogger Dave 

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  8. Blogger Memphis Steve 

    Yes indeed, this is where the photos and the blog and you need to paint in the nude all come together. A shower curtain over the window will prevent Old Curious Man (what is he, 30?) from seeing you. And then, if you set up the camera to video yourself, you can set up a website and charge money for men (and some really odd women) to watch you doing it. This will more than pay for you to buy all the IKEA accessories you may desire, as well as a new car, new tractor, new clothes, or even perhaps a brand new house just for you. Melissa Lincoln, in Lincoln Nebraska, can tell you all about how to do it. She's made a fortune, been on TV, and made the cover of several magazines including FHM, all because she does this sort of thing.

    It hardly seems fair.

  9. Blogger sandy 

    oh, clearly you need a new tractor. don't we all? especially to ride on nekkid.

  10. Blogger Porkchop 

    First of all, the old man is just that, OLD. Like, SEVENTY!

    I suppose that covering my window with a shower curtain to prevent prying eyes, while taping myself to post on the internet for my Grandma, God and everyone else to see, would make perfect sense.

    Lavender is the color of the devil. Unless you are seven years old and trying to stage a rebellion against all the other little girls who like pink. So you decide that purple is your favorite color. I AM SO CREATIVE!

    Tractor driving nekkid would be a little scary... all that dust and grit billowing about... all that boobage waving in the breeze for the dirty neighbors to see... or not.

  11. Blogger Paul 

    There are just so many things I could say, most of which would make me come off as a perverted male. So I think i'll keep it to myself and retain the label of a perverted male :)

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.

I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.

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