A Ode To Barbie, Who Just Said Some Very Unkind Things To Me Via IM


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May you die and burn in hell
May all your tan skin fall off and your eyelashes melt
May your toenails become deformed
May you never wear heels again, leaving you to have a non-perky butt.
May your hips spread to be the size of a dam
And may diet coke be poison to your lips.
And most of all, dear Barbie, may you be given a life of obesity and unwashedness, while wearing belly shirts.


And thus ended the poetry writing career of Porkchop, that just started and ended.

The end.


4 Responses to “A Ode To Barbie, Who Just Said Some Very Unkind Things To Me Via IM”

  1. Blogger joy 

    Yes, well, the unkind comments were warranted. She was explaining why she is now calling me squirt. (You don't want to know.) But my comments weren't really all that unkind, just a simple explanation as to why Michael Jackson would be the perfect boyfriend for her. *snicker* Ask her.

  2. Anonymous amber lynn 

    Did someone write this to you or did you write this to someone else? Either way, sounds like someone might be harboring a wee bit of resentment.

  3. Blogger Porkchop 

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. Blogger Dave 

    oh come on now porckchop you must tell us why barbie thinks that michael jackson would be the perfect boyfriend for you, i have waaayyyy to many ideas running through my head as to why....so i must know!!

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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