I Truly Worry Myself


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If I did not know better, I would be intensely worried that we would be hearing the pitter-patter of little porkchop feet. Or would that be piglet feet? Or piglet hooves, for that matter?

My eating habits lately, have taken a turn for the worse. This weekend's menu was Cheeze-It's, chedder cheese and a entire jar of greek olives. And copious amounts of chocolate. As well as a assortment of other odd foods that I normally couldn't care less about. Today for instance, I was craving egg salad. EGG SALAD? I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE STUFF! Nevertheless, I ate some for lunch, and then came home to make myself a WHOLE FREAKING BATCH.

My behavior is rather strange as well. I find myself being QUIET. YES! ME! QUIET! I have been suffering horrible writer's block and instead of listening to my usual rousing music, I find myself soothing my ears with strains of classical.

While all these things are not foreign to me, they normally find themselves to be the exception to the rule, rather than the rule itself. This is quite strange indeed.

I really wish I would return to my normal self soon. I am tired of people constantly asking--Why are you so quiet? Have you suffered a stroke? WHYARE YOUSOQUIETDAMMIT? ARE YOU GOING TO BLOW US ALL UP? I am tired of eating foods I feel quite silly for liking. I am tired of not being able to enjoy my stereo system. Something about Chopin creeping out of my car just isn't right. For crying out loud, I cannot even write properly anymore. I misspell words, I am not funny, forget what I am writing about mid-sentance, and have NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.


The day when I would call ONE version of myself vaguely "normal" has finially arrived. And I want me back.B


5 Responses to “I Truly Worry Myself”

  1. Blogger QOS 

    Not to be creepy, but are we on a mindlink or something?

    I know exactly how you feel. Today I sat at my desk and ate crackers and squirty cheese all afternoon. Then came home and binge-ate chocolate ice cream.

    Intern John told me I've "lost my edge".

  2. Blogger That Girl 

    blame it on the moon, that's what do. Nuthin' wrong with eating a jar of olives. I eat pickles for breakfast sometimes. good stuff.

  3. Blogger Airelee 

    Yep, and I injected a whole lotta spinach soup this evening (as chronicled on today's blog entry). What I failed to mention in my writing is that I washed it down with 12 oz of chocolate milk!

  4. Blogger steelcowboy 

    My kids are constantly amazed at the odd variety of food that I eat, and music I listen to. But they write it off as "Dad is old and weird."
    They're probably right on both counts :)
    Nothin' wrong with a little variety Porkchop

  5. Blogger Porkchop 

    Did I mention I have also started forgetting things? My father, the man who smoked pot and has no short-term memory, was CORRECTING me about something which I did not remember.

    I also ate Reese's Cup Cereal Puffs this morning for breakfast. 1.I hate cold cereal. 2. I hate cold cereal flavored after candy. 3. I ATE A HUGE FRICKING BOWL.

    I swear, this is a sign of the times.

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This odd narrative is my life. I ended up in Pittsburgh, of all places--from the beach. I have no hobbies, other than cooking excessively and eating microwave popcorn. I enjoy shopping, the Food network, hiding the remote so the Food network cannot be turned off, find ethnic food stores and restaurants and reading voraciously. My life is decidedly pedestrian.


I worked in the car business where I was required to be ruthless and soul-less wench, which is when I started this project. Since then, I've kept it up because secretly, I've always wanted to join the military. Every male in my mother's family has joined and I quietly entertain thoughts of joining. I haven't yet and don't know if I ever will, but sending the troops cookies keeps me sane. it makes me think I still have a shred of human kindness left in my withering soul. it's a small way for me to salute the men and women who are brave enough to fight for freedom. And makes me feel like I'm contributing toward troop morale--even if I'm not. So if you want to help, send me addresses of troops you know stationed overseas. you may also contribute toward the cost of chocolate chips, but don't feel obligated, that link is here only by request.


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