My dearest sister, Twiglett, has a nasty habit of encouraging creepy guys to like me. Something I really do not appreciate, whatsoever.

Guy 1: Twice as old as I am, terribly creepy and doesn't hold his liquor well. He works with my sister and is in love with her, but, because she has a boyfriend, he has moved on to the next best thing, me. He is attracted to me only because I am disgustingly rude to him. One of the first times I met him, I insulted his looks, intelligence and way of dressing. Apparently, he thinks that's sexy. He asked me to dinner once and I turned him down "gracefully". But he knew all to well that I was simply lying.

HE CALLED ME AGAIN THIS AFTERNOON:

CG: Hello, Porkchop.
P: Hello
CG: I was just wondering what your plans were for Sunday night.
P: Well it depends on who is talking to me, since you were too rude to identify yourself when you called.
CG: Uh. This is Creepy Guy.
P: Oh. Um. Well, I think I am busy. (Not too subtle)
CG: What are you doing? Washing your hair? Cleaning out your drain? Sorting socks?
P: Visiting my grandfather who is dying.
CG: Oh. Well. Since I can't compete with a dying grandfather...
P: You sure as hell can't. Anything else?
CG: WhattaboutMonday?

Before I can scream out a instant NO! he continues

CG: OrTuesday?Wednesday?Thursday?Yaknow,wheneveryourfree...
P: Working.
CG: What about after work?

DOES THIS GUY NEVER GIVE UP OR GET A POINT?!

P: I really think I am quite busy until I graduate law school. Contact me then.


Guy 2:

Preface: This is the creepy guy with children who was willing to go out with my sister after I harshly rejected him. Does this say anything?

CG2: Um. Porkchop, do you have a minute?
P: Sure.
CG2: This has been bothering me for about two weeks now...
P:Ok
CG2: Can I ask you a question?
P: WHAT!? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SAY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY BEFORE I PULL IT OUT OF YOU!
CG2: Well, I saw your older sister, Twiglett, at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago, and she said you told her to tell me hi. Is this true?
P; No.
CG2: So, you really weren't thinking about me?
P: No.
CG2: Oh. Well, I have been thin--
P: Ihavetogonow,bye.